I am taking my life back! Vibrant and Free
I am taking my life back!
My vibrant, energetic, fun loving, caring, happy, outgoing, optimistic, healthy self.
(In this article will be some adult content it may seem dark but it is my story to the new ME)
Beginning of a 30 year dark deep scary hole
It all started when I was young. I was always trying to fit into a world that I did not belong when at home I was fighting to survive molestation. I slowly crumbled my perfect self was crumbling like a cement wall does in time.
It all began at a young age with pretending to be someone I wasn’t while being bullied at school and church. Making friends with the wrong kids drinking and smoking at 11! Losing my virginity at 11.5 to feel loved! Then as my mom was dying my smoking became more of a social aspect in my life to my crutch for my depression.
Now 18, mom is dead and I am a drop out. With my watching my mom dying, I was overcome with guilt, depression and avoidance I was having nightmares. To end my nightmares I became addicted to Meth, because I believed someone that it would help me not have these night terrors.
Still smoking, drinking occasionally and now doing drugs I was detonating fast like a ticking bomb. My best friend took a picture of me, seeing this it woke me up for the first time that I was not OK, I was a skeleton in my own demons. I put myself into rehab on my own for help and then started Job Corps soon after.
Every brick to our wall is a lesson to be strong
Jumping forward 2 years, I got most of me back I graduated top of my class and kicked my drug addiction. I was beginning to be me again. I still couldn’t and didn’t kick the smoking habit.
I met my ex husband shortly after leaving school. At first, he looked and appeared to be my perfect match. All was lollipops and cake of life.
We got married within a year of meeting and I swear soon as I said “I do” to this man wearing the mask of a prince revealed his evil beast behind the mask.
First neglect, intimidation and berating. I again find myself completely who I am not lost in this brainwashed world. The physical abuse started when I became pregnant with our oldest daughter then continued for years involving all what I stated above to a gun and 2 choking episodes, several shoves, threats and hostage manipulation.
16 years later, 2 people walked into my life like 2 angels helping me arise and break-free. They taught me, that I could escape it did not matter how many times he told me no one would believe me and I couldn’t.
I escaped at a cost! That cost was years of self harm, unhealthy weight, depression, anxiety, PTSD, bad habits and a deteriorating body.
Determined New Chapter of Beginnings and a Bright Future
5 years now I have been rebuilding and thriving in a new world I never dreamed possible. I am happy, loved, desired and optimistic. I have a home that I never fear losing, I have a man who loves me and my children beyond all.
But! I still hang on to this ugly crutch of smoking that makes me feel small and embarrassed. I am still over weight and battling health issues to long to list. God only knows how hard I have tried to release those demons.
How I woke up the ONE last time! I read something on the Internet that hit me and hit me deep. “You holding on and still doing bad habits is YOU living in fear and your past” WOW!!! How true is that??
Here I stand, a new life. A life I would never trade for anything in this universe. I am only holding myself in the past no one else just me. So I set forth to taking my life back.
New routines, new eating not diet, cold turkey quit smoking and taking my heath seriously. It is not an easy road, it takes baby steps. But with the help of God, my children and a good man: Lisa WILL be Lisa again. Free!
Will you join me? I will be writing my progress on here and I would love to have others join me in sharing their progress as well below in the comments.. HERE IS TO OUR FREEDOM!
If I touched you in some way please contact me, if you would like to leave a comment please do so below. I will be writing more on my awesome journey as time goes.